Saturday, March 17, 2012

She's done with Sergio

To the tune of Jane's Addiction "Jane Says":

Bop Says





Bop says
I'm done with Pedigree
It gives me tummy aches
She hides
Her metal food dish
Says I don't want that kibble
But when mom feeds me again
Tell her I want some Beggin' Strips
or just
a Milkbone if she has one
Just some Milkbones if she has some

Bop says
Can you take my collar off?
I feel naked without it
She knows
it's time to take a walk
But that's ok man
Gotta go potty anyway
Bop says
I'm going to the park
When I get my poop bags saved
I'm gonna start tomorrow
I'll have to poop tomorrow
Gonna poop tomorrow

She gets mad
And she starts to bark
She wants to go
To the dogpark!
She don't mean no harm
She's just a dog
She can't drive a car

Bop gets
Fed at night at 8
She spins around in circles
She waits
And gets her dinner then
She licks the crumbs
Up off the floor
Bop says
I've always been in love 
I know just what it is
It's anyone who'll pet her
I wonder if they have treats
I want them if they have treats

She gets mad
And she starts to bark
She wants to go
To the dogpark!
She don't mean no harm
She's just a dog
She can't drive a car

Bop says
Bop says


That's what happens in my spare time.  My pets have starred in many hits.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I will NEVER go your way.

No.  NO!  Curse my love for 90's pop culture, because of this, i don't want to live anymore.  Hammer in the last nail, cuz the sweet silence of a dirt nap is better than what's crashing around in my head right now.  Tom Cochrane's Life Is A Highway is on repeat in my head. *shudder*

It was a dark time for 1991 when this piece came on to the scene.  I HATE Tom Cochrane.  Hate.  I hate his scratchy Canadian rock-but-sensitive vocals.  I hate his puffy face and dusty coconut stubble.  His blowin' in the wind haircut and standard musician leather jacket with light denim made me punch my own butt.  Useless.  Boring.  Superfluous.

Can we talk about the video?  The bloated goat huffing into a harmonica looking all smug at the beginning?  You just know it's gonna be one cliche after another.  The tan color scheme.  Wheat field, deserted gas station manned by the pedo.  Young couple having "good times" rebelling and in love.  Ripped jeans.  A convertible.    Vomit in my own jammies.  Why are you casually waving to a Native American standing in front of white nuns?  Is that middle America?  What are you getting at?  You just happened to have yr guitar up in those rocks and you just have to JAM, man!  Gross.

It's all just so predictable and boring!  it's so beige and weak.  It's dad music.  it's the khaki soundtrack.  It's everything i hate.  and it's stuck in my head.  So i take my head and flush it down the toilet.  I can't have this puke rattling around in my skull, it's ruining my day.  But it's still not as bad as Coldplay.


Now i got my jammies all in a snit.  shit.