Home is whenever I'm with you.

I.  Am.  Getting.......MARRIED!  omgomgomg i can't breathe!  there is so much to say, but i'm in such a spazz that it will have to wait...i gotta go be busy smiling!

i love him.

People Never Notice Anything.

When i got home from work this morning I went to make my scheduled potty, and for some reason i cannot think of now i was thinking about the Catcher In The Rye and all the old timey words that Holden Caulfield used.  Lousy, phony, crummy.  Crummy.  I kept thinking of the work crummy over and over and lost it.  I can't believe i didn't wake the boy up from how hard i was laughing.  I don't know why.  it's a stupid word.  but now i just love it.  Crummy.
Crummy tummy.  Silly crummy.  Crummy puppy.
Yesterday was really crummy with a lot of disappointment.  i hope today is better.  Hopes aren't high.

i like that this pic popped up when i did an image search for Crummy.  they're cute, but yeah, totally crummy.
Plastic dump truck infant is fun.

She's done with Sergio

To the tune of Jane's Addiction "Jane Says":

Bop Says

Bop says

I'm done with Pedigree

It gives me tummy aches

She hides

Her metal food dish

Says I don't want that kibble

But when mom feeds me again

Tell her I want some Beggin' Strips

or just

a Milkbone if she has one

Just some Milkbones if she has some

Bop says

Can you take my collar off?

I feel naked without it

She knows

it's time to take a walk

But that's ok man

Gotta go potty anyway

Bop says

I'm going to the park

When I get my poop bags saved

I'm gonna start tomorrow

I'll have to poop tomorrow

Gonna poop tomorrow

She gets mad

And she starts to bark

She wants to go

To the dogpark!

She don't mean no harm

She's just a dog

She can't drive a car

Bop gets

Fed at night at 8

She spins around in circles

She waits

And gets her dinner then

She licks the crumbs

Up off the floor

Bop says

I've always been in love 

I know just what it is

It's anyone who'll pet her

I wonder if they have treats

I want them if they have treats

She gets mad

And she starts to bark

She wants to go

To the dogpark!

She don't mean no harm

She's just a dog

She can't drive a car

Bop says

Bop says

That's what happens in my spare time.  My pets have starred in many hits.

I will NEVER go your way.

No.  NO!  Curse my love for 90's pop culture, because of this, i don't want to live anymore.  Hammer in the last nail, cuz the sweet silence of a dirt nap is better than what's crashing around in my head right now.  Tom Cochrane's Life Is A Highway is on repeat in my head. *shudder*

It was a dark time for 1991 when this piece came on to the scene.  I HATE Tom Cochrane.  Hate.  I hate his scratchy Canadian rock-but-sensitive vocals.  I hate his puffy face and dusty coconut stubble.  His blowin' in the wind haircut and standard musician leather jacket with light denim made me punch my own butt.  Useless.  Boring.  Superfluous.

Can we talk about the video?  The bloated goat huffing into a harmonica looking all smug at the beginning?  You just know it's gonna be one cliche after another.  The tan color scheme.  Wheat field, deserted gas station manned by the pedo.  Young couple having "good times" rebelling and in love.  Ripped jeans.  A convertible.    Vomit in my own jammies.  Why are you casually waving to a Native American standing in front of white nuns?  Is that middle America?  What are you getting at?  You just happened to have yr guitar up in those rocks and you just have to JAM, man!  Gross.

It's all just so predictable and boring!  it's so beige and weak.  It's dad music.  it's the khaki soundtrack.  It's everything i hate.  and it's stuck in my head.  So i take my head and flush it down the toilet.  I can't have this puke rattling around in my skull, it's ruining my day.  But it's still not as bad as Coldplay.

Now i got my jammies all in a snit.  shit.

Oh baby, it's dark out there! but oh baby, it's dark in here...

I'm not about to pretend i understand it, but somehow, i am in a relationship.  with a boy.  my boyfriend.  a cool dude who has his shit together (relatively. we can't all be Danzig.)  actually enjoys my company.

After a large drink last night, i took some personal inventory and realized just how lucky i am that this man puts up with my "quirks".  Cuz if i were single, this is what i would have to offer:

- poor self image.  dudes love to hear that i am feeling puffy, fat, and look like a boy with no makeup.  I can't take a compliment, and will spend hours online comparing cosmetic surgery prices.  Does my butt look ok in these pants?  I wish my lips were bigger.  I'm awful.

- obsession with dogs/animals.  Aw look at my dog!  isn't she hilarious?!  You can't pet my cat cuz she bites.  Telling them about all the dogs i work with and how they have terrible owners who don't know what they're doing.  I would do it this way.... Asking them to go to the Humane Society with me.  Just to look.  Leave in tears.  Forcing dude to watch endangered squid documentaries.  "This is what's wrong with our society!  Look at how we treat animals!"  You have to vote on this to get puppy mills banned!  over and over and on and on...

- Can I paint yr toenails?

- I will not drive on highways.  NO.  I will NOT do it.  I'm scared.

- unhealthy relationship with Mommy.  I love Mommy!  I cannot answer Mothers calls today.  I miss my mom.  I can't DEAL with her!

- Diet of a child aka laziest/worst vegetarian ever.  Cheese pizza.  pasghettios.  candy!  macaroni.  cereal. candy!  vegetables are icky.  no onions.  I'm allergic to strawberries.  candy!  gatorade.  beer.  are there strawberries in this?  i think I'm swelling up.  popcorn.  candy!  tomatoes are yuck.  will you bring me starbursts?

- I'm clingy.

Nicky, yr a gem.  I don't know how you put up with me, but don't think i don't appreciate it.  I'm a lucky girl.  You deserve a medal.  or a degree in working with the mentally unstable.

Hello Kitty jammies on.

Falling out of sleep i hit the floor.

i am able to pass out anywhere.  i can fall asleep on command.  Christmas morning, at Mothers house, after going potty about 3am, i fell asleep washing my hands.  I rarely wash my hands.  i talk in my sleep, walk, smoke,  I've eaten.   i once got myself into a coma in my sleep and woke up the hospital.  terrible.  terror.  
The newest phase i am going thru is sitting up in my sleep and staying that way.
As if i am sitting up from a bad dream, but after i acknowledge that it was a dream, and i am relatively safe, i stay sitting up as i drift again.  Wake up a few hours later with a stiff neck wondering how i got that way.  how DID i get this way?  how did any of us get this way?  i have to get away.
I stay in my pajamas as long as i am able to.  i work overnights to allow me to stay jammied.  having no shame allows me to shop in my bathrobe, walk the dog in over sized Jesus and Mary Chain t shirts and hot pants.  Slippers and sweatpants to the bank?  no duh.
i keep a pillow in my car for spontaneous naps.  nap with me.  cuddle up.

the legend of the leg pillow.

i need to "let it all out" in the worst way.  thing is, i don't know where to.  i can't just scream in my apartment.  it's an apartment.  someone will call the cops.  and screaming into the pillow doesn't work.  i need the satisfaction of the sound, the shriek the wail howl cry.  the pillow.  that's one of my friends.  not about to yell at it.

you know, i can't even finish writing this.  i'm so tired of it all.  even my fingers are weak.

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