Saturday, November 24, 2012


I really dislike my car.  It's a little 1994 beige manual Geo Prism, and I definitely got what I paid for.  I don't recall the amount exactly, but the price was scarily low.  I know I have put a few thousand dollars in it for repairs.  I'm afraid of it, and I don't trust it.  It constantly makes scary noises, and when I get that fixed, it immediately starts a new noise.  It overheats all the time, the battery randomly gets disconnected, the tires are bald, and sometimes the little shit just doesn't start at all.  I don't feel safe in it at any time I'm driving.  I mainly drive it to work 3 miles away, and for the entire drive I'm tense, nervous and hoping I don't get stuck on the side of the road AGAIN, or die in a car fire from the damn thing exploding.

My dream is to have a worry free car that I feel safe in.  I'm not a car person, I know very little about how they work, and I certainly don't care about looks or models, but I haven't had a car that I have trusted in 13 years.

and that was Shads.

My 2nd car, a white manual 1996 Dodge Shadow ES.  I loved that car.  I got it with an insurance claim after a giant SUV slammed into my Cougar the day I graduated.  That car was my best friend.  I taught myself to drive stick on it, it had a boss stereo and sound, and we went everywhere together.  It was a healthy, fast, cute and fun car.  I wasn't afraid of expressways or driving long distances because I trusted it.  Those two things I just can't do now because I have no idea what my jerk car is going to do or if it will break at any given moment.

I'm just tired of of having anxiety every time I get behind the wheel.  I'm tired of spending money on a vehicle that isn't worth it.  I'm tired of worrying about a new noise every week. I'm sick of only being able to use my brights.  I'm tired of having a broken stereo!  It's the worst feeling in the world when you have to hold back tears just thinking of the drive to work.  Even though I have a car I feel like I have less independence because I'm afraid to go anywhere.
I want a carefree leisurely drive with a car that's my buddy again.

As it is, my sad little lemon isn't even worth as much as it's bumper stickers.

This is what my Shads looked like.  A nice sturdy little guy.  But one day I took it in for an oil change, and within the week he just....stopped.  Would't even start.  It's still a mystery to me and to all who had looked at it.  It was the beginning of the end.  I am doomed to a life of shitty cars and driving anxiety.  You think I'd be used to disappointment by now.

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