Sunday, January 22, 2012

can't complain?

I don't know how i'm doing it right now.  I feel like i'm swaying between two worlds with my eyes half shut and deaf in one ear.  images are blurred and like a kittens still blue baby eye, and some are sharp and harsh and burned into my head like starring into headlights on bright from the rear view mirror.  sounds are through ear plugs standing in front of the speakers at the Bombshelter.  some are tiny weak whispers from myself before i fall asleep.  My mental illness has me so confused these past couple weeks.  I'm going thru my first flu of the year.  it's typical for me to get sick quite a bit every winter.  since i was little.  I keep getting hurt, mostly from a very physical job.  so pains come and go, i get ill, i've always had headaches, and we can't forget the winter maladies.

I'm in a relationship that makes me very happy.  "very happy"  sounds so awful generic to describe it.  it's everything i could ask for.  i think that's why my brain is so confusing right now.  The blessed place i am in with this love is taking my mind off my usual, still present pain.  it's still there, there's no doubt, i feel like i'm ignoring the crazy.  is that right?  Am i so used to feeling fucked up that i think me being happy is bad for not dealing with the bad?  is this ok?  can the two exist?  it's so new i don't know what i'm doing, if i'm doing it wrong.

my head is just at the surface, my eyes are above the water, but it's getting in my ears.

jammies back on after work.  night night.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Pajamas Off.

It's 7° outside, I have to go potty, the dog has to go potty.  I have to leave for work in 10 minutes.  I need a toothbrush, I need Prince on the stereo.  I need to take my medicine, put on pants.  All the terrors of waking up in the morning.  Hit snooze.  My brain is racing with all this shit we all gotta do everyday.  I make the slightest move to start my day...and in his sleep, boyfriend holds on to me tighter.  How am I expected to deal with anything when that happens??  The world is a cold cruel place when yr in love.
With all the awful on this planet, you'd think there could be a little more accommodation for happy.  The little things. How perfect would it be if on a morning like I mentioned, I could call up to work and say that i was going to be an hour late because i simply need more snuggle time.  And they'd be cool with it.  "Yeah no problem, I totally understand.  I was late yesterday because my cat was just too cute.  See you when you get here."  Awesome.

Pajamas on:
Pink hotpants with blue polka-dots.
White tank top with blue iron on FUCK.
Pink leopard print bathrobe.
Let's all go back to bed.
Pajamas On.

Friday, January 20, 2012

i never married but...

These would look perfect on my pretty pale mangled fingers.

icy. bold. organic. etsy.
Because i said punk rock.  it takes all kinds of brides.  I'd see you thru shining eyes til death.
With the Goblin King as Ring Bearer, you've made it thru the Labyrinth of my ♥.
This.  THIS.  with a black pearl.  a prize from a tongue, from a shell, from the bottom of the ocean.  And  I'm in love with a Cancer.  He's got me in his pinchers.

This came from my 1990's play list today.  Specifically Dramarama, Anything Anything.

I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills,
Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills,
I'll even let you watch the shows you want to see,
Just marry me, marry me, marry me...

*pics from etsy livelyHood, Leviticus jewelry, Pamela Love

Remind me to talk more about this later.

Pajamas On.