I'm not about to pretend i understand it, but somehow, i am in a relationship. with a boy. my boyfriend. a cool dude who has his shit together (relatively. we can't all be Danzig.) actually enjoys my company.
After a large drink last night, i took some personal inventory and realized just how lucky i am that this man puts up with my "quirks". Cuz if i were single, this is what i would have to offer:
- poor self image. dudes love to hear that i am feeling puffy, fat, and look like a boy with no makeup. I can't take a compliment, and will spend hours online comparing cosmetic surgery prices. Does my butt look ok in these pants? I wish my lips were bigger. I'm awful.
- obsession with dogs/animals. Aw look at my dog! isn't she hilarious?! You can't pet my cat cuz she bites. Telling them about all the dogs i work with and how they have terrible owners who don't know what they're doing. I would do it this way.... Asking them to go to the Humane Society with me. Just to look. Leave in tears. Forcing dude to watch endangered squid documentaries. "This is what's wrong with our society! Look at how we treat animals!" You have to vote on this to get puppy mills banned! over and over and on and on...
- Can I paint yr toenails?
- I will not drive on highways. NO. I will NOT do it. I'm scared.
- unhealthy relationship with Mommy. I love Mommy! I cannot answer Mothers calls today. I miss my mom. I can't DEAL with her!
- Diet of a child aka laziest/worst vegetarian ever. Cheese pizza. pasghettios. candy! macaroni. cereal. candy! vegetables are icky. no onions. I'm allergic to strawberries. candy! gatorade. beer. are there strawberries in this? i think I'm swelling up. popcorn. candy! tomatoes are yuck. will you bring me starbursts?
- I'm clingy.
Nicky, yr a gem. I don't know how you put up with me, but don't think i don't appreciate it. I'm a lucky girl. You deserve a medal. or a degree in working with the mentally unstable.
Hello Kitty jammies on.